Have you ever looked down on yourself

my idiot

Sakura PoV-
"Why are you staring like that? Is anything funny?", His warm voice sounded a little suspicious, which is why I shook my head.
"No, it's just ... I imagined your room to be different ... kind of boring."
There were numerous pictures of himself and his family on his walls.
There were also a few with the blonde and Sasuke smiled in most of the photos.
Not that flattering smile when he was trying to seduce you, no.
It was honest.
One saw this far too seldom.
Otherwise, the room was pretty neat and tasteful.
Later I noticed my photo, which had got its own place next to his bed on the bedside table.
"I kept it. It's nice.", He answered my look, which must have looked indefinable because he had already hung it on the blackboard in class.
When he sank exhausted on his large bed, he crossed his muscular arms behind his head and gestured with his eyes to take a seat next to him.
I wasn't sure how to behave here.
After all, it was a very different situation.
Somehow much more serious, more private and at home with him.
This wasn't boarding school.
"So ...", he looked at me piercingly and still attentively when he started this sentence.
"... what brings you here? Apart from the fact that you can't get enough of me?", followed a short grin on his part.
"I dont know."
I really didn't know.
I just had to think about him all the time and he didn't dare to leave my thoughts for a second.
His black pupils eyed me again.
This time softer, more understanding.
"I suppose you want answers ..."
I hadn't expected this sentence on his part, which is why I must have looked at him a little perplexed for a moment.
But he was right.
The more I thought about it, the sooner I realized that I actually had a lot of questions.
So I nodded.
As if on my mark, he sat up straighter and leaned against the wall with a smile.
"What do you want to know?", He seemed curious and now imagining a few questions in his pretty head that I could ask him right away.
That was my chance.
"What is your favorite food? Do you have a dish that you particularly like?"
The expression on his face looked puzzled.
"Wow, wait a minute. Are you really serious, Haruno?" He sounded amused.
I didn't respond to signal that I meant business.
"I'll only answer these pointless questions if I can ask some in return ..."
I wasn't sure this would be a good idea, but I was too interested in him and his answers.
"My favorite food. It's tomatoes. In all shapes and sizes."
I couldn't help but chuckle.
Only now did I realize that I actually hardly knew anything about him.
"It's my turn. What is your favorite color?"
"As if you wanted to know? What's in that for you?"
"In any case, just as much as it brings you something to know my favorite food."
The point went to him.
As so often.
He laughed.
His laugh threw me off track for a second because I loved it too much about him.
"What irony, huh?", His voice sounded soft in my ears as he lost in thought began to wrap my long strands of hair around his index finger.
"Don't get distracted, Uchiha. Why are you hardly reporting?"
"Don't you think that's a pretty bad question?"
"You gambled away your second question with this. I think my question is lousy, but you have to answer me now."
"Really now?"
"That was the third."
"Hey, hey! It's okay. I hardly call you because I want to stay away from you. I am a danger to you and have done terrible things to you. Whenever I look at you, I see this frightened woman lying in front of me and feel it." how my insides long for this shaken facial expression. To feel like this makes me downright ashamed ... ", his eyes searched for understanding.
He had been one hundred percent honest and I understood him about this.
"I forgot again."
"That's not the point, Sakura. The two of us, you and me, it doesn't work. It can't work, you understand?"
"But why not? Is something wrong with me? Am I wrong for you?", My heart began to race.
This feeling could be compared to the first heartache in childhood.
That was at least as bad.
He bowed his head and rubbed his forehead.
"No. Don't say that, please. It's not like that."
"How is it then, Sasuke? Explain to me, please."
Sasuke PoV-
I couldn't help it.
I had to tell her and would have had to live with it if she thought I was crazy.
Every now and then her eyes had widened when I showed her the pictures of the walls in the school basement, but otherwise she had taken it all relatively well.
Anyway, I expected a worse reaction.
"I don't understand why you kept this from me for so long ..."
"I wanted to tell you earlier, but I never caught the right moment ..."
"I already thought of something like that.", She shrugged her shoulders.
My amazement at this exuberance could not be overlooked.
She just shrugged.
"Well, your freaks were just strange. You can't deny that. Furthermore, I have recently experienced first-hand what it's like to be connected to heaven ..."
"What do you mean by that?" I lowered my voice, which sounded increasingly tense.
"I've seen my dead father ... several times. Until now I always assumed it was my imagination until I told Naruto. His extreme reaction struck me as strange, which is why I asked him what was going on. At some point he was forced to speak out. At first I was very shocked, but somehow that passed quickly ... "
I grumbled to myself as I nodded to her.
It was probably not going fast enough for him.
"Anyway." I sighed.
"Sasuke ..."
"Then you surely understand now why that doesn't work with both of us."
She bit her lower lip a little desperately as she shook her head.
"I am not afraid of you. This information doesn't change that. "
This woman was so incredibly strong.
"This is not about the fear, Sakura." I began to stroke her cheek gently, while my thoughts wandered and I was warm inside, because she allowed these touches.
"What is it about then? If we let ourselves be guided by feelings of fear, we will miss half our lives. The best moments cannot arise if you think too much and weigh different options!", Her voice trembled.
"You sound desperate.", I had to smile.
"Stop it you stupid idiot, this is not funny!", She became energetic.
Still, a pink glow formed on her cheeks.
She turned her head away so as not to show this nakedness in front of me.
"Hey, shh. Calm down. I know it's not funny.", I couldn't keep my fingers off of her, so I sat on the edge of the bed and gently ran my hand over her knees to linger .
"What if I told you that I was into you", I covered her mouth.
"Don't finish the sentence, Sakura."
Her eyes were a little wide, which made me smile with a sigh.
"That wouldn't be right. Not now. We'll have to wait and see what's next. Okay?"
I would have loved to let her say all of this.
There was nothing better in my mind than hearing these words come out of her mouth, but the current circumstances and the fact that she hadn't known all these things for so long could possibly confuse her current thinking.
I wanted to be sure that I was replying to something that was real.
By no means did I mean to suggest that she made up the affection she apparently had for me, but ...
I probably couldn't take a setback like this if she changed my mind.
She was now breathing regularly into the palm of my hand, so I raised my eyebrow.
"Have we calmed down?" I let go of her grinning.
"You are such a fool sometimes.", She mumbled it so softly that you could hardly understand it.
"What? I think I misheard myself." So I got up and meanwhile grabbed her cell phone from the bed.
"Sasuke! What are you doing? Give me my cell phone back immediately.", She also got up and tried to get to the cell phone, which I held up without any problems, without her being able to even reach it.
After all, she was pretty small.
"I'm just checking if I'm the only fool in your contacts. Apart from Naruto." I laughed.
Her face was funny to scream.
Of course I wouldn't scream.
In fact, she put a heart behind my name.
Little did this woman know that in truth my heart had long since succumbed to her.
"How about a new background photo?"
"I beg your pardon, Uchiha?"
"Come over here."
So I leaned down to her and put my arm around her petite shoulder while I winked.
She had to laugh and at that moment I took the picture.
"Perfect.", I stood upright again.
"I sent the photo to me. Nice background, right?"
I couldn't suppress my smile.
"Be glad I don't hit you."
"Oh yes, I am. I would be really scared of you, angel."
That irony.
Well, to me she was an angel from the start.
"Are you going home now? You're getting annoying." I laughed out loud.
She pretended to be shaken.
"I think I'll stay a little longer and we'll see another movie," she pointed to my TV.
I rolled my eyes.
This woman always had to assert her thick head.
"Don't be funny."
"Yeah, all right, Uchiha."