Should one marry

To marry or not? 7 reasons for it and 7 against it

In all long relationships, the topic inevitably comes up at some point: Should we get married or not? After getting to know each other, moving in together and setting up a common life and everyday life, this is the next logical step for many. For many couples, getting married is a matter of course. But not everyone thinks that way. After all, according to the Federal Statistical Office, the number of marriages in Germany halved between 1950 and 2010.

In order to live happily together, it is not necessary to get married and more and more couples are consciously refraining from doing so. Even couples with children marry less now than in the past. After all, in contrast to the beginning of the 20th century, illegitimate children are neither a rarity nor a problem in society.

Opinions on the subject of marriage differ widely. In 2017, 407,493 marriages were concluded. The divorce rate in the same year was 37.67 percent. It has been declining since 2011, when it was 49.66 percent and thus affected every second marriage. There are plenty of arguments for and against getting married - in the end, however, for most of them it is not a decision for or against, but a question of feeling. And that definitely has to be true when getting married.

To marry or not? These 7 reasons speak against a wedding

1. Weddings are expensive

Weddings cost an average of 6,500 euros and wedding trends and celebrations are in leaps and bounds. Everyone wants to get married bigger and fancier than the others and costs of tens of thousands of euros for a wedding celebration are no longer uncommon. A wedding can therefore become a major financial burden that couples should consider carefully.

Is it worth going into debt for a wedding party? If you want to celebrate, you usually have to save up for it. In the period before and after the wedding, many couples have to cut back financially and make cuts in other areas. Most of them also receive money for the wedding - but the costs have to be borne first. It is therefore important not to get married financially beyond your means and to only spend money that you really have. Otherwise the party will turn into a debt trap and nobody really wants this start in the marriage.

2. Organizing a wedding is stressful

The organization of a wedding usually takes place parallel to everyday life and means a lot of planning and stress:

  • The right location
  • a nice dress and a well-fitting suit
  • choosing the rings
  • the wedding cake
  • the DJ
  • the decoration
  • the guest list
  • the invitation cards
  • the food
  • the program
  • the wedding

and much more need to be organized in advance. Even on the big day, many couples are still electrified. Enjoying your own wedding to the full is not that easy. Of course, those who celebrate on a small scale have less effort. However, a wedding cannot be done entirely without organization.

3. The divorce can become a cost trap

Even if couples in love don't want to think about divorce at the wedding, it doesn't hurt to make provisions just in case. A marriage contract should be concluded under certain circumstances to avoid nasty surprises in the event of a dispute. If you do not make provisions with a marriage contract, in the event of a divorce, as part of the profit sharing scheme, you have to hand over parts of the assets you have earned at the time of the marriage to your partner.

A divorce is also inexpensive, but a mutual agreement is important here and the marriage contract concluded in advance. Even if it is unromantic to talk about something like this, it is important in the course of preparation for marriage - after all, nobody knows what will be in 10, 20 or 30 years from now. A prenuptial agreement can therefore be viewed more as a sign of a mature and stable relationship in which the partners talk about everything. It doesn't have to be the sword of Damocles to seal the end of the marriage before it has even begun.

3. What is forever?

People change and partnerships change too. What is now closed in the thought of keeping forever may look very different in a few years. Couples in particular who have not been together that long and rush to get married can be surprised badly.

But even with couples who know each other well, nothing stays the same. Promising yourself something today for 50 years from now is not always easy to keep. Illnesses, trauma, disillusionment, other circumstances and a different development of both partners can call the promise made into question.

4. Marriage as a lifeline

Marriage should not be used as a relationship salvation, but as the culmination of a stable and happy partnership. After all, the institution of marriage is only as good as the relationship between two people. Even in a marriage, people can be lonely and unhappy, after all, marriage does not guarantee eternal happiness. You have to work on a relationship and a lifelong marriage can only exist from a well-functioning partnership. Anyone who marries in order to stabilize the troubled relationship again is unlikely to be successful for long.

5. Getting married is compulsory

Couples who get married do it gladly and consciously. Couples should think twice about yes to their partner in advance. To agree directly to a marriage while in love with a relationship, if you have only known each other for a few months, can also backfire. If the partner does not turn out to be the dream man after a hasty wedding, it is no longer as easy to separate in a marriage as in a relationship without a marriage license.

6. Beware of post-wedding disappointment

Many couples first fall into a hole after their wedding. The big festival that was longed for for months is over and you are back to everyday life. Realizing that not much changes in everyday life after a wedding can be sobering for some couples.

Even if the feeling of togetherness changes, life goes on as normal. Couples should protect themselves from excessive expectations and discuss them in advance. So they can tackle everyday life after the wedding together and maybe plan some nice activities as a newly married couple.

7. A wedding does not protect against bad luck

Even if the partnership appears secure and stable through a wedding: there is no guarantee. Some couples feel too safe after a few years and no longer work on their relationship. They take each other for granted and no longer try so hard for their partner. This can lead to dissatisfaction. Marriage also does not protect against loneliness. After all, marriage is not a guarantee of happiness - the couple must work on their relationship together. With unmarried couples there is always a little more tension in the air and the partnership is less obvious.

What sounds negative is a mere list of facts and dangers that marriage can offer. Of course, this does not have to apply to all couples. After all, there are also many positive aspects that a wedding brings with it.

What are the advantages of a wedding? 7 reasons to say yes

1. A festival of love

A wedding is a celebration of love and very romantic. With her the love for the partner is celebrated and shown to everyone. There is only one celebration with all friends and family members (if things go well) in a lifetime. A wedding is a unique occasion and something that you can always remember. Even in bad times you can refer to the luck and promise at this point in time and fight for the relationship, even if crises dominate.

2. A stronger sense of togetherness

Saying “my husband” or “my wife” instead of “my girlfriend” or “my boyfriend” feels different and makes it even more clear that couples belong together. A marriage is a nice concession and speaks for commitment, which is not always common these days.

3. Save taxes

Thanks to the splitting of the spouses, a joint tax assessment of married couples is possible. For this, the income of both partners is added, halved and the tax rate is then calculated on this respective half. This amount is then doubled again. Married couples usually get off more cheaply than unmarried couples.

This is particularly worthwhile for couples with very unequal incomes. The one with the higher income benefits enormously, as he does not get into the high tax rates. This approach makes sense for children together, for example if one works full-time and the other does not work at all or only works part-time. Couples who earn the same amount do not get any tax advantages from the marriage.

4. Inheriting and giving away more

Married couples can arrange donations or inheritances of up to 500,000 euros to one another without having to pay taxes on them. If this amount is exceeded, the inheritance tax or gift tax is also lower than for couples without a marriage license. Married couples have to give 7 to 30 percent to the state, depending on the amount, 30 to 50 percent for unmarried people.

5. Financial support from the spouse

The spouse is obliged to pay for the other if, for example, he loses his job or for whatever reason can no longer pay the rent. This model also works when one of them is raising their children and the other goes to work. Unmarried people who have lived together for more than a year are considered to be a community of needs. With them, too, one of them has to pay for the other's financial plight.

6. Marital right to information

As a married couple, you can get information about the health status of your spouse in the hospital if he or she has had an accident or falls ill. Unmarried people do not receive any information about their partner; they depend on the goodwill of the partner's family. She is then the first point of contact, even if couples have been together for 20 years.

7. Those who have children also benefit from marriage

The father of a child is automatically recognized as a father before the law if the couple is married. In the case of unmarried couples, the mother has to have the biological father recognized separately; this is not automatic before the law. In a marriage, the man is always considered to be the father of a child before the law, even if it is not biologically his. In the case of unmarried persons, only the mother has custody; she must also explicitly transfer it to the father. Stepchild adoptions are also easier as a married couple if one of the two partners is already bringing children into the marriage.

A highly individual decision

With all the arguments for and against getting married, each couple has to decide for themselves individually. Couples should realize that there is more to marriage than just wearing a ring on their finger. After all, there are also tax and legal regulations connected with it and it can be difficult if you split up. In 2019, nobody has to get married to conform to the social norm. But if you can imagine getting married and think that you have found a partner for the rest of your life, you shouldn't shy away from going to the altar. After all, marriage is a nice concession and a great affirmation of the relationship.

Love in a stressful everyday life: How couples fight stress together Maintaining love in a stressful everyday life requires the will not to lose sight of each other. Time and talking helps. > read more

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Farina Fontaine

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