What makes a good character

These 12 characteristics characterize extremely personable people

They are the lucky few, blessed. We believe it's because of their naturalness, their good looks or their extraordinary talents. We want to believe only too easily. It's easy to say: Nothing can be done about that anyway. But from now on we have no more excuses: Dr. Travis Brandberry is co-author of the bestseller "Emotional Intelligence 2.0". In an article for LinkedIn, he summarized the twelve most important differences between ordinary people and the extremely likeable to us.

We can very well influence whether we are sympathetic. It's a question of our emotional intelligence.

In a study by the University of California, subjects were asked to rate 500 characteristics related to sympathy. Surprisingly, the top 10 adjectives mentioned had nothing to do with intelligence, attractiveness, or sociability. Instead, they revolved around honesty, transparency, and understanding of other people.

The adjectives mentioned describe people who have a high level of emotional intelligence, especially with regard to their social skills. TalentSmart has collected data from more than a million people. The result was more than clear. People with a high EQ are not only extremely personable, they also do much better at work.

Here are the twelve most important behaviors of likeable people:

1. Show interest

The biggest mistake people make when listening is to focus on what they want to say next for themselves. They think about it so much that they lose the thread. The thoughts block and you no longer listen.

The easiest way to avoid this behavior is to ask questions. We actively respond to the other. Everyone loves to listen to them. Anyone who asks interested and open questions not only shows his counterpart that he is listening. Anyone who asks questions shows genuine interest.

You will be surprised how much respect and appreciation you will get when you ask questions.

2. Smartphones stay in your pocket

Nothing hurts a conversation more than answering a WhatsApp message or taking a quick look at your cell phone. It's disrespectful and conveys disinterest.

When you are talking, focus all your energy on that conversation. You will find that the conversation is much more interesting and effective when you fully contribute yourself.

3. Honesty is a must

Sincerity and honesty are core competencies of sympathetic people. Nobody likes sneaky or spurious people. It's hard to like someone when we don't know how they really feel and think. We want honesty, someone we can trust.

Popular people know exactly who they are and what they want. They have enough self-confidence to express their opinions openly and not constantly ingratiate themselves. Anyone who always reacts the way others would like them to get bored quickly.

4. Be open to new things

If you want to be personable, you have to be open to new thoughts and ideas. Social interaction often takes place in conversations. Who likes to talk to a stubborn person who has already formed his or her opinion before the conversation?

Being able to accept other opinions is especially important at work. That doesn't mean you should run after the others. It's about leaving your own prejudices aside and empathizing with others. You should try to understand his motivations. Maybe he's right after all.

5. Don't be in the spotlight

Most people dislike people who desperately need attention. You don't need a personality that outshines everything and is always the focus. To make a positive impression, it is enough to be considerate.

If you appear friendly and self-confident, you will find that you get more attention.

Even if it sounds a bit clich├ęd: Thank others, also publicly. If you've just completed a big project, thank everyone who helped. This makes you appear less self-centered and show gratitude and respect.

6. Stay true to your opinion

Those who are unpredictable come across as unsympathetic. Don't keep changing your mind, stay true to yourself. Even if things aren't going so well for you: Treat others as kindly as always. It is important for those around you to assess how you react when they ask you something. Or make a suggestion.

7. Positive body language

Be aware of your body language: posture, facial expressions, and the way you speak. Actively influence them and use them for a positive charisma. It automatically makes you happier. It is like a fake smile; You will become happier just by smiling, even if nothing else has changed.

During the conversation, lean slightly in the direction of the other person, speak in a positive, enthusiastic tone and look the other person in the eye. Avoid negative gestures such as crossed arms.

8. A strong first impression

As studies have shown, people decide in the first seven seconds whether they like someone or not. The rest of the time they look for confirmation of this opinion.

Sounds terrifying at first, but it doesn't have to be. You can use this phenomenon to your advantage. The first impression is closely related to your body language. A firm handshake, a friendly smile, and an open and upright posture will help ensure a positive first impression.

9. Address people by name

The name is an important part of the personality. It feels good to be addressed by your own name. Popular people address people by name every time. When you meet someone new, don't be afraid to ask their name a second time.

10. The smile

If you smile, you come across as sympathetic, that's no secret. It is very natural that we mirror the body language of the other person. Just smile during the next conversation and the other person will reply.

11. Know how to touch others

If you touch someone during a conversation, oxytocin is released. The messenger substance is responsible, among other things, for trust and a whole range of other positive feelings. A small touch on the shoulder, a hug or a friendly handshake, that's all it takes.

Sounds easy, but it can also go very wrong. Not everyone wants to be touched, and certainly not at every point. You need experience and knowledge of people to be able to assess how the other reacts.

12. Passion and fun

Passionate people are incredibly attractive. One problem can only be that we are completely absorbed in our passion. Those who are sympathetic can walk the tightrope. They are serious and focused at work, yet they are friendly and helpful.

Small talk is reduced to a minimum. Instead of talking about rumors, they perceive the other as a personality and talk about deeper topics. You remember what was said - regardless of whether the last conversation was two days or weeks ago. This shows the interlocutor that he is just as important as the work.

The challenge

Sympathetic people are unique, they always stand by what they say and easily cast a spell over us. You can make contacts quickly and easily and create harmony.

It will not be easy to implement all of the points at once. That's not bad either: First train individual points. Put your cell phone on silent and leave it in your pocket, start smiling and walk / stand upright. Practice, you will see how quickly your life changes.


By Marco Janoschkato Business Insider Germany.