Why do few people like to travel alone?

Relationship tips from the experts: Love: When the partner wants to go on vacation alone

Those who live in a relationship and still like to travel alone often run into incomprehension with their partner. This is often due to self-doubt or a lack of trust - a little distance can definitely bring new closeness to a partnership. Relationship coach and couple therapist Olaf Schwantes from Hanover explains for whom a vacation alone can be exactly the right thing and how couples can best find compromises when it comes to vacation.

Study shows: When you are on vacation with your partner, there are often arguments

In an online study published in 2018 by the matchmaking agency Elitepartner, 27 percent of the almost 5,300 respondents with relationship experiences said that they had already had a major argument with their partner while on vacation. 9 percent even separated during the holidays or shortly afterwards.

Zoff on vacation: The most common points of contention

A lack of communication is apparently the cause of many disputes in the vacation home: "Often there is simply a lack of clarifying discussions before the vacation," says Schwantes. If the inner rhythm of a person does not match that of the partner, conflicts automatically arise. "Then there is a dispute, for example, about what and how much is done or who takes care of the children in the morning while the other can sleep in," says Schwantes.

In fact, sleeping and getting up are one of the most common reasons for Zoff on vacation. Only about mobile phone usage habits and different ideas about the vacation program are arguments more often. This was the result of a user survey conducted by the online travel portal urlaubspiraten.de among around 5,400 allied participants in 2018.

Also interesting: Why a healthy culture of argument is good for love

Does it harm the relationship to travel separately?

In fact, regardless of any quarrels on vacation, there are good reasons to travel separately despite a stable relationship: “Some people have certain dreams for their lives. And they can fulfill these dreams, even if their partner doesn't share them, ”says Schwantes. If this is a travel topic, the couple therapist thinks it makes sense to drive without the partner. “No one should give up their dream because of the relationship, but neither should the other force themselves to do something they don't really want.

When vacation interests diverge among couples

Even if the holiday interests diverge, it makes sense to travel alone. “There are couples with whom one likes to go on an outdoor vacation, but the other would prefer to relax in the all-inclusive hotel and roam the clubs at night,” explains Marc Auggenthaler from the travel agent Urlaubspiraten. In addition, some couples have different vacation time regulations at work and therefore cannot travel together. "And then there are also the classic men's and women's vacations, when the clique is on the go together and the partner doesn't necessarily come along," adds the expert.

Study: Every fourth person goes on vacation without their partner

Olaf Schwantes estimates that a quarter to a third of all those who are in a steady relationship also travel alone. This coincides with the results of the elite partner study: There, 24 percent of those surveyed stated that they also travel without their followers. At 31 percent, the proportion among academics was significantly higher than among non-academics, of whom only 20 percent would like to do without their partner on vacation.

Traveling with a partner is still popular

In principle, however, most people apparently prefer to travel with their partner. At least that's what four out of five respondents said in the survey by the travel portal Urlaubspiraten. Eleven percent travel with their families, although the survey did not differentiate between the family of origin and the family they had founded themselves. Seven percent of those surveyed in relationships prefer to travel with friends, only a little more than one in a hundred prefer to travel all alone.

Vacation: For whom it can make sense to be on the road separately

From a couple's therapeutic point of view, it can make perfect sense if partners are on the road separately. "However, it depends on the respective relationship," says Olaf Schwantes. “People have very different needs for closeness and distance. In my experience, nobody wants a completely symbiotic relationship. ”Couples who embark on this piece of independence could benefit from the fact that such a journey and possibly the fulfillment of long-cherished wishes bring more satisfaction and happiness into the relationship.

Also read: Sex therapist: "Kissing is much more intimate than sexual intercourse"

Traveling alone in a relationship: A question of trust

On the other hand, mutual trust plays a major role, says the relationship coach. If one partner wants to travel alone but may have had an affair in the past, the other partner could find it very difficult to accept the vacation. Many people who stayed at home are also concerned that their partner and the clique could go over the top.

According to Schwantes, it is then important to speak openly about these fears and to find a way that the other can travel anyway. For example, it is conceivable to agree on fixed times at which to communicate. But here, too, it is important to find a variant that works for both. “If the person who stayed at home wants to make a phone call every evening, but the partner feels that this is a hindrance to spending their free time, then the latter should offer an alternative. For example, you could make a phone call in the morning after getting up. It is important that there is clarity for both sides. "

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By RND / Juliane Moghimi