Asian women meet black men
Is It Racist To Have A Dating Guy?
This article first appeared atRosaMag
I like tall men. Regardless of whether they are light or dark. But when I sit together with my group of ladies, clear preferences emerge. Macho, not macho, trained, untrained, with tattoos or body hair. When it comes to first dates, hardly anyone is freed from superficialities. But then I have some girlfriends who are clearly into black men or who are not at all. When I got to the post "Prejudice in online dating”Came across from the editor Thembi Wolf, I asked myself the question: Why do some people like a certain guy? Are there any prejudices if I only go out with white, black, or Asian men or women? When I see theRace and Attraction report from the dating platformOk Cupid look, somehow. Asian men and black women receive the fewest inquiries. It shows that for many individuals, ethnic background is a factor in whether or not they date someone. That made me curious. Is It Racist To Have A Dating Guy And Why? I have spoken to different women and men to get an answer.
"I date the guys who are into me too"
“I only sleep with black men,” explains Vanessa, a young Afro-German woman. When I asked why, she paused and explains: "I have the feeling that if I sleep with a white man, I would betray my brothers." What sounds drastic comes from a long episode of racist experiences. Having grown up in a village without any access to the Afro-German community, it was a liberation for her to come to Berlin. From Tinder to Ok Cupid, she can choose her dating type before the first meeting, and she likes that too. What Vanessa describes is psychologically understandable behavior: Similarity creates a feeling of security. It doesn't just have to be about visual similarities. “I just love men who love me,” explains Marie, referring to her body. Marie is 1.68 tall, white, has blonde hair, green eyes and is more corpulent based on the European ideal of beauty. “German men can't do anything with me and my curves. I've had the experience that mixed men just find me more attractive, ”she explains, trying to figure out when the moment came when she was into Afro-German men. “I think it came with my passion for music. As a teenager, I started listening to RnB and HipHop, which is how I got into Nelly and Usher. Then I went to the clubs and accordingly I also got to know men with whom I had more in common. "
"Mixed is always better!"
Although Marie has, as she says, a “colorful circle of friends”, she clearly distinguishes between African men, Afro-American and Afro-German men: “If you have an African accent or wear bling-bling things, you are out of my way. That is not how it works!" That is what phenomenon Marie is describingintra-racially dating. This is how white men date, more white women and women of color, including men of color. When it comes tointer-racially dating comes, social status plays an important role. Marie is ready to go out with Afro-German men as long as they have a good education, income, prestige or power. When asked whether Marie could also imagine having a relationship or a little fun with an Asian man, she definitely said: “You are too feminine for me. I need someone more manly. " When I then referred to a man with a mother who has a South Korean background and a white German father, Marie waves it aside and says: “That doesn't apply. It's mixed! Mixed is always better! "
"Black on the outside, white on the inside"
“Don't you want to work for me,” is a sentence Binta has heard in the club. Binta is white and black. She is Afro-German and has found that she is often treated lewdly by white men. Added to this are supposed compliments, such as “You are very pretty because you aremixed are ”. This leads to the fact that she goes out with men who also have some form of immigrant background, as Binta's view, they can better understand her challenge as an Afro-German woman. This exoticization, which women and men who come from two different nationalities experience, ensures that they appear more desirable to some people. “Black on the outside, but white on the inside. That's what everyone wants to feel, ”the Afro-German Vanessa tries to describe this preference and rolls her eyes. Ben, who is also an Austrian PoC, even makes it partially paranoid.
Do apps and online platforms reinforce racist dating?
“In the meantime, my introductory question is: How many black men have you been with?” He explains, referring to his last tinder dates. Ben is into white, blonde, very slim women, as he explains. However, since he has been living in Berlin and surfing the online dating world, he has made the experience that he is a “guy”. “Sometimes the women have kept secret the fact that they already have two or three children from other black men or that they only go out with black men. It came out little by little! " When I asked what would be so bad about it, he looks at me in shock and says: “I don't want to be a fetish! I want a woman to like me for me. I don't want to be one of many guys on a long list. " But are online dating platforms an advantage or a disadvantage? If I can choose in advance whether a person has an African or Indian background, I maintain a homogeneous partner selection pattern. This means that power structures can also be reproduced, for example among white couples. Statistics and studies show different tendencies. In theUnited States for example, the number increasesinterracial marriages due to online dating. During theRacial and Attraction Reportshows that white women are the most popular dating partners, followed by Asian women. But black women are the least popular.
The question is: is it racially certain typesNot to date?
The reason why Ben prefers to date white women and Marie black men is due to their environment, their experiences and also their prejudices. These are compounded by ignorance. Would Marie also go out with men with an Asian background if she had come into closer contact with them? And would Vanessa date white men if she were in a white community in Berlin? This is an important question as modern racism is more subtle than thataversive racism shows. This means that Vanessa doesn't date white men because she has negative feelings towards non-blacks that she doesn't want to admit because she wants to believe in fairness and equality at the same time. In this way he subtly distances himself. Therefore, the question is not whether it is racist whether a man or a woman has a type, actually the consideration should be: Why do I date a certain typeNot?
* The interviewees' names have been changed to protect their privacy.
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