What have you given up

3 women 3 opinions - what did you give up for your love?

There are things that we like to accept in love. Maybe because we realize that we don't need it at all, maybe because we want to meet our partner, or because it was the condition that kept love alive?

What did you give up for your love?

Do you regret it or would you keep doing it again and again?

Woman number one: 33 years old and already packing the boxes again.

I have given up explaining why we are not settling down, why I am not looking for another man or a job. Because I don't have to and because with my marriage I made a promise to follow him no matter where it goes. We have lived like this in the United States, north of London and near Munich. In the meantime, we kept changing cities in Germany. That is the promise we made to each other. I have given up being successful professionally, I have put my focus on my family and my husband's job. It used to be completely normal and hardly ever questioned, but now I prefer to hold back when people ask me about my job and my life. I hate to tell you that I haven't worked for six years and that I'm at home. Sure, I sometimes go cleaning or stand in the store for a few hours for fun, but I don't have to do it and I don't miss it either. I can live very well with not making my own money because we share everything anyway.

I can live with the fact that we keep moving and that I always have something new to do.

I know a lot of self-determined women would like to rip my head off now, but I do it voluntarily and I like to live like that. I made a conscious choice for my husband and life with him. The only condition was that I go wherever I am needed. We do and I like to do it. I cannot yet assess how things will go with children, but here, too, I will follow his job and find a solution. I've given up my professional career for a love that will work on every continent and I don't regret it for a day. I am still a woman in mind and heart. I just don't have to worry about my income. And I don't necessarily find this feeling negative.

Woman number two: 26 years old and keeps thinking of her.

I don't know how to explain or describe it without someone punishing me with looks or words. I gave up my girlfriend for my current husband. Deliberately after he gave me an ultimatum. Yes, I know you would never do that and I should have thought about it carefully - and I have. It went back and forth for two whole years and to this day I still don't know how this big break came about. I only remember that in the end the two couldn't stand each other anymore.

I kept sitting between the chairs and at some point I couldn't anymore.

She didn't want anything to do with him, he didn't want to be in the same room with her anymore. She kept telling me how bad he was for me and how I would slowly turn into an unbearable being, he could no longer bear her opinion and attitude to our relationship. I've tried everything, I've repeatedly forced both of them to meet up, they should talk, understand each other, or avoid each other nicely, but it just didn't work for either of them. Nobody could give in, neither wanted to apologize for his words, but both took their frustration out on me. On my last birthday it was just too much for me. She wanted an extra party without him. He didn't come after she announced herself, although she knew he would leave then. I was so mad and pissed off that I took it out on her. All my anger landed at their feet. Some of it was justified, some not. I wanted to apologize for that in retrospect, but then my husband stood in front of me and said the words that I still sometimes say quietly today:

“Either you let her go now or I'll go. It can not go on like this."

I let her go and stopped apologizing like my original plan. I also ignored her calls until there was silence, until I realized she understood. Today we don't see or hear from each other anymore. I'm still with him and I'm happy. We have friends in common, but we also go out with others. Since she is no longer there, we are also better. Only sometimes, when I have a glass of wine alone on my balcony, do I wonder if it was right.

Woman number three: 38 years old and still in love.

I left everything behind. I have adjusted to a new love. The last relationship ended, my apartment quit and moved in with him. We're like a young teenage couple and we're sure to be a little embarrassing at times. Sorry! But I am happier than ever. I've never felt this way before and keep wondering what and who I've really loved over the past few years. Did I always talk myself into my feelings? Did I subconsciously want to wait that long for this man? Sometimes I really wonder what life has in store for me and sometimes I also ask myself whether I will regret my decisions later when I am old? Because now I know that I want to grow old with this very man. But what he said to me right at the beginning makes me come back and think about it every now and then.

He couldn't have any more children.

He has three children from his first marriage and was sterilized afterwards. He deliberately does not want to have any more children. He still takes loving care of his grown-up children, but that's enough for him. His family planning is complete for him. I am his new big love, with whom he wants to see the world, but not the person to start a new family. I have to say that I am 15 years younger than him and until two years ago I still thought that I just had to find the right man, then it would work with the children too. Do I really want some? No idea, but now that I have the right man by my side and the decision has been made for me, I ask myself more and more often if this is what I want. If I look at him, I can say that I want him to be with me. When I look at his grown-up children, I know I like them a lot, but they're not mine. I won't be able to start my own family with this relationship. I'll only have him and I'm not sure I'll regret it later.