Which way should I go?

What God writes in your heart ...

When I started this blog in summer 2012. I didn't know which way he was going. I didn't know what God was up to with it. Quite often I have wondered if I can find the right words. Whether what I'm writing makes sense to anyone at all. Years later I can marvel at how many people this little blog for God has reached. I can marvel at how my words have touched people.

Much has changed over the years. A dream I had in December 2012 changed my life. Right after that, God sent me into the desert for years. Years in which I have learned a lot. About myself, but above all about God. I've changed over the years. To this day I didn't know where this trip would take me. I didn't know if I would get anywhere one day.

And now I know that I will never arrive because I don't have to arrive. Because God sent me on a journey that will never end. Today God answered the question about the path I should go. Get up and go and I'll guide you. Just be ready to go. Be ready to put your talent in my hands and then do with it what I intended for you.

You did not choose me, but I chose you. I have determined you to set out and bear fruit - fruit that remains. Then the Father will give you everything that you ask of him in my name. "John 15:16

Which way should i go? I no longer need an answer to this question. And again it becomes clear why my whole life has been shaped by change. Again it becomes clear why I had to learn so early to adapt to new situations and people.

I suddenly got a shit scared today. I realized again that following my calling will also mean letting go of something. A successor “at any price”. I had two big dreams in life. God has fulfilled one of them for me, and God has asked of me the other. I know I could have chosen differently. To be able to say: ok God, I go to church service and I am there on Sundays, but I won't give you everything from my life that you ask of me.

But this morning God made it really clear to me once again: If you say, send me, and really want to establish your calling all over again. Then you must also be ready to let go of anything that might be holding you back from leaving and living your calling. It hurts, and I feel like crying all the time right now. It hurts, and at the same time I know that it is the path that I should not only go, but also want to go.

I have chosen the wrong path too many times in my life. God has always been careful that the worst does not happen. But He allowed a lot of detours in my life. Detours that were painful. But through which I learned things that I couldn't learn otherwise.

When I say today: I want to take this journey wherever it will take me. Then I do it very consciously. Many years further than when I was 19 when I was called. Many pieces of life continue, many experiences continue. I don't know what else God has in store for me. But I don't even have to know. Now it is clear why I have not been able to see further than the next fork in the road for decades. As someone who has been playing chess for decades and is therefore “trained” to think several moves in advance, that's pretty difficult. Uncertainty, unknown next steps, fork in the road that you don't even see coming.

I don't know where this blog for God will take me. There are ideas for a new project that I cannot implement on my own. Actually, I don't know anything, except for the call that reverberates in my heart: Get up and go. Walk the path that I'll show you, piece by piece.

I want to instruct you and show you the way that you should go; I want to guide you with my eyes. "Psalm 32: 8