Why do married couples get divorced
Wiesbaden (dpa) - Around every third marriage breaks up at some point. Usually the woman files for divorce. According to experts, she has higher demands on a relationship. Is the classic family going out of style? And do children of divorce have a harder time?
If the multiple burden of job, family and house building becomes too great, or if the children are about to move out, many marriages fall apart. Around every third person is hit at some point. The couples wait longer and longer until they appear before the divorce judge, as reported by the Federal Statistical Office in Wiesbaden. Experts explain why.
How do most marriages break down?
"If couples do not pay attention to their common stress level, have two small children and build a house, then the house is often finished and so is the marriage," says Bielefeld couples therapist Detlef Vetter. Or: The children go out of the house and the couple finds that nothing else connects them. "The basic thing, however, is that the couples do not make sure to invest enough time and energy in cultivating relationships."
The average length of a divorced marriage rose to 14 years and 8 months in 2013. Why do married couples wait longer and longer to get divorced?
The children live longer at home, couples are more pragmatic, but are also more likely to seek help in crises. "Children stay longer in Hotel Mama and are financially dependent on their parents for longer," says futurologist Andreas Steinle. "Many couples stay together for tax reasons. You don't necessarily have to get a divorce just because you no longer love each other - as long as you get on well with the situation." The Berlin psychologist and couples therapist Achim Haid-Loh adds: "Fewer and fewer couples are getting married at all." In addition: "There is also a lot more going to professional couple and marriage therapists."
Why are more women filing for divorce than men?
"Women have higher demands on a relationship, higher communication and higher emotional demands," says futurologist Andreas Steinle. Couples therapist Detlef Vetter thinks men are more capable of suffering and sitting out is a typical conflict management strategy for many men. They also established their identity more often through work and career than - like women - through relationships. Many fathers also feared losing contact with their children after a divorce.
The number of single parents and blended families is increasing. Is the classic family going out of style?
"Marriage with a child as a traditional premium model of life forms is being replaced by diverse life plans," says the Berlin family therapist Achim Haid-Loh. Futurologist Andreas Steinle is nevertheless convinced. "The desire to have a family is still very big, it's getting bigger." Because: "The more individual life plans become, the more necessary a network of social relationships that also catches you."
Almost half of the 169,800 divorced couples have underage children. Is a separation better for you than a constant argument?
According to experts, constant disputes and ongoing conflicts place a particularly heavy burden on children when there is no sign of reconciliation. "It is important that the level of conflict that the children feel really goes down through the separation," says the deputy head of the German Youth Institute, Sabine Walper.
What should parents who are living in divorce absolutely spare their children?
"After a separation, the focus should be on the child and their needs," says Sabine Walper from the German Youth Institute in Munich. "Even if the parents no longer understand each other as a couple, both parents remain. It becomes difficult when the parents instrumentalize the child in order to assert their own interests against the other, do not adhere to parental arrangements, the other parent in the back fall or make bad in front of the child. "
Is it harder for children of divorce?
German studies mostly showed that most children of divorce recovered from the separation of their parents after a certain stressful phase, reports the deputy head of the German Youth Institute, Sabine Walper. "Many parents in divorce are very concerned about the well-being of their children and are also happy to take advantage of counseling services."
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