Text messaging can ruin relationships

Mobile Love - When the Messenger ruins the relationship

In the daily counseling practice with couples, in addition to the familiar relationship problems such as inability to communicate, affair and inability to forgive, another topic that was unknown until a few years ago appears more and more frequently: electronic media and messengers. They work at the interface between everyday life and privacy. WhatsApp has been a part of it lately, whenever relationships get in trouble, whenever jealousy and distrust tarnish happiness and whenever communication escalates. This new form of communication brings further destructive factors into play, which cause stress on all sides:


1. "I've got it in writing!" - Endless conflicts in virtual space
2. "You were not on" - control mechanisms through technology
3. Played over the gang - electronic triads

Endless conflicts in virtual space

The messenger service WhatsApp enables access to the partner wherever he is. Whether in a meeting, on the highway or in a rare moment of calm: The relationship problems follow those affected everywhere. Conflicts can escalate at any time and in any context. Setting limits becomes almost impossible. Some can no longer work properly because they are bombarded with messages from their partner that they feel compelled to answer. Conversely, the conversations in the evening or at the weekend are made more difficult by the fact that one could not work concentrated the whole week and was mentally absent.
Verbal exchanges of blows often derail endlessly because there are no conciliatory gestures such as touch and facial expressions. The bare, written words have a stronger effect than the spoken words. Chats are fast, the messages often overlap. Some couples cannot even be talked out of by text message, so that the references to the content are lost. That annoys many.
Speech recognition programs enable lightning-fast answers without long thought. The dictation machine writes even the most unjust attacks in seconds. On the other hand, verbal attacks can also be polished and meticulously prepared for hours on the smartphone so that every word is just right.
Who writes stays. What is written is indelible. And so some couples even print out their WhatsApp chat histories and present them to the other as evidence, as if it could be clarified who is to blame. In reality, however, a conflict continues unproductively.

Control through technology

If set, the WhatsApp status bar always shows who was or is online and when. This creates accusations in couples that the other did not answer, responds too slowly, does not go online or - even worse - was online without writing. The app is therefore a perfect control instrument.
The recently introduced blue check mark for read receipt perfected this function. In addition, not only can the chats be secretly checked by jealous partners, but also picture galleries, videos, songs, etc. This results in endless possibilities for the head cinema.

Electronic triads

If a jealous partner has the object of his or her distrust in his or her own contact list because he or she is a friend, the nightmare of control becomes perfect. A comparison of the online times is enough to stir up suspicion and make the partner difficult to explain. Some triads even communicate with each other in encrypted form. You can use profile photos to share where you are and what you are doing. So the wife broadcasts children's pictures and writes: "Our love paradise" to show the rival their limits. While she is out with him, she counters with a bikini photo and the status "I'm a sexy bitch". It couldn't be more cruel.

Ways out of smartphone terror

Unfortunately, what has been said is neither exaggerated nor made up. Eliminating the pull of the medium is difficult, everyone who has experienced it knows that. A tech diet can help. The partners agree to only write positive messages to each other and never to discuss contentious points over the cell phone. As soon as it becomes difficult, it must be adjourned.
In addition, the confidentiality of letters should also apply to mobile phones. In any case, through control you only achieve the opposite of what you want. In extreme cases, Messenger and SMS have to be removed from the mobile phone at least temporarily. Better agree on office hours and discussion times when you want to talk about partnership topics. "Mondays between eight and nine, then it's over". This breaks the vicious circle of "being unable to work because the cell phone keeps humming" and "being unable to listen carefully because you keep thinking that you haven't done your job". Because: There is a life without WhatsApp and it is better. For sure.


Read here: Five tips for a happy relationship.

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