How do I get my wife pregnant

Through pregnancy without a partner

Whether unintentionally or deliberately, whoever has a child without a partner often does not go easy. But there are many ways to help.

The reasons why pregnant women are without a partner are very different. Perhaps the relationship turned out to be unsustainable in the course of the pregnancy - despite or perhaps because of the pregnancy. Perhaps the child came out of only short-term contact. Sometimes a woman tragically lost her partner in pregnancy. Or a woman makes a conscious decision to have a child alone.

With all this, very different feelings often have to be dealt with: sadness, anger, (self-) doubt, disappointment, fear - but also joy about the pregnancy and the child. To some, their situation may seem like an almost impossible task. Others also feel new strength in themselves.

Without a partner, but not alone

What all these women have in common is that they go through a very intense time without a partner and face challenges that others master in twos. Not being in a partnership doesn't necessarily mean “being alone”, even if it feels like that at times.

Women who were pregnant without a partner often report that they received a lot of support and accompaniment during and after the pregnancy: from their own parents, who did not react as negatively as initially feared; by friends who accompanied you to the preventive medical check-ups and who enjoyed every stage of the baby’s development; through women in the same situation they met on the internet; by a midwife or doctor who accompanied you through the pregnancy with understanding and who was there to answer your questions.

Pregnancy counseling centers are also important contacts for all kinds of questions and needs. They know about support offers and state benefits and help, for example, to apply to the “Federal Foundation for Mother and Child” for financial aid or benefits in kind. If women experience a difficult separation during pregnancy or have psychological problems, psychological specialists can help in the counseling centers or refer them to suitable therapists. Pregnancy counseling centers support mother and child even after the birth, if the mother so wishes.

In any case, the following applies: Actively building up a network of private and professional supporters is the best way not to be left on your own.

Planning gives security

In almost every pregnancy there are moments when doubts and fears creep in. Will i manage all of this? Will the money be enough? Will I be able to love the child enough? It has helped many women who have started families on their own to actively take control of their lives during pregnancy. Organizing and planning the time after the birth, asking for help and clarifying open questions, not only relieves you in the first time with the baby. There is also confidence: problems can be solved, obstacles removed. I can do it with the kid!

The most important questions to be answered are:

  • Where will we live
  • When do I want / have to go back to work or continue my education, and what care options are there for my child?
  • Does the child / am I entitled to maintenance? What state support is there for us?
  • What role will the (future) father of the child play? What do I need to know about paternity recognition and custody?
  • Who can support me in everyday life - for example, step in as a babysitter when I'm sick, or later pick up the child from daycare?

Help with planning

An important point of contact for single parents - even before the birth - is the Association of Single Mothers and Fathers (VAMV) on all these issues. In its brochures and on its website, the Federal Association offers all the important information for single parents, particularly on legal and financial issues. The offices of the regional associations of the VAMV provide single pregnant women with addresses and contacts for on-site counseling.

Our checklists "Organizational matters during pregnancy" and "Administrative procedures after the birth" can also help to plan the time until and after the birth. They provide information about what needs to be done when and who the contact persons are Our “Custody and Maintenance” checklist provides information on all aspects of custody and maintenance.

Special offers

If you go through pregnancy without a partner, the other's “couple happiness” can sometimes be difficult to bear. Many women therefore find it relieving and nice to have contact with other women who are in the same situation. The Internet offers many opportunities to make regional and national contacts.

In larger cities, special birth preparation courses are sometimes offered for single pregnant women. The regional associations and local groups of the Association of Single Mothers and Fathers (VAMV) and pregnancy counseling centers provide information about such offers. In some places there are also VAMV meeting places or parent cafes especially for pregnant women and / or single parents with babies.

Dealing with the father - during pregnancy and afterwards

Children have the right to deal with every parent - and every parent is entitled and obliged to deal with the child. This is the law. In practice, there is no magic formula for dealing with the (future) father of the child. Some expectant fathers are ready from the start to share responsibility for the child with the mother - even if they are not with her. Others may take time to get used to the thought and only find access to their child after they are born. Still others deny or ignore paternity and want nothing to do with mother and child. Or the mother doesn't want any contact.

One thing is certain, however: if you have a child together, you will remain the parent of that child for life. Therefore one should try as best as possible to find solutions for the best interests of the child. Since hurt feelings play a major role in breakups, mediation by third parties is often necessary. Help and advice are offered by the youth welfare office and a large number of other providers. They can help to find out how parents who are not (no longer) a couple can take responsibility for the child together. Custody and maintenance issues can also be discussed and decided there in an objective atmosphere. The local youth welfare offices provide information on counseling services.

Maintenance for the child

Even if the father-to-be should refuse all contact with mother and child or the mother does not want any contact, the following applies: The child has maintenance claims against his father. For this, however, paternity must be officially recognized or determined by a court. Conversely, recognized paternity is the prerequisite for the father to see his child. The so-called assistance at the youth welfare office helps to clarify which maintenance claims exist and what the right way to enforce them could be. The counselor sees itself as a kind of advocate for the child.

If the father is unable or unwilling to pay maintenance, there is an entitlement to an advance maintenance payment. It can be requested from the Youth Welfare Office's advance maintenance fund.

Daily challenge

Almost every fifth family in Germany is a so-called "single parent family". This means that the child will grow up in a household with only one parent. Single parent families often live everyday life under difficult conditions. Because the care and care of the child usually rests on the shoulders of only one person who is also responsible for the family's material needs. Therefore, single parent families are more often than other types of families in a financially difficult situation.

Not all questions and problems can be solved during pregnancy, but it makes sense to find out as early as possible: for example, about childcare options, about opportunities for part-time work or part-time vocational training, or about forms of living and living that can help To combine family and work well. Information and the right support will help develop strategies to cope with the challenges of everyday life as a single mother.