What are some tips for the first date
Your “First Date” master plan
At last! You just have that one, very special person after youfirst date asked and she said yes! Or are you the lucky one and maybe even been invited yourself? No matter how it came about - now it's going to be exciting!
It is common knowledge that first impressions are one of the most important and will play a huge role in the further course of your date - this has already been proven numerous times. It starts in the first few seconds of getting to know each other and then continues through to the end of the meeting. Many factors play a role that you probably would not have thought of before.You want to learn more and make sure your first date is a successful one? Then read on here ...
Nervousness is a natural thing before such a big day - your date is definitely no different from you. You are excited, tingly, maybe also anxious, and your head is teeming with questions: How should I behave? How should I deal with my fear? What should i talk about And, what if things go particularly well - how do I manage to take the next step and arrange a second date?
Of course, you definitely don't want to appear as if you are putting more energy into the matter than it may be necessary and, in short, getting too involved. But you still have to try to make a really good impression - that is, you should definitely prepare accordingly and proceed with a plan so that nothing can go wrong.
If you've met your future date online, you only know each other's 'virtual' personality. Nevertheless, a very specific image already exists in your head, after all, you have already imagined what the other person will be in reality. You want to live up to the person's expectations, of course, but who knows - maybe you can even exceed your date's expectations?
Don't panic: we have useful tips for you, and we know what is important for your first dateGreat running. We know what is important and have summarized all the tips for you: What can you do before the date to be perfectly prepared? How do you avoid the dreaded embarrassing silence that so often arises in initial conversations? How can you get to the next level and arrange a second date?
Read on here for “First Date” tips that you really should know!
Preparing for the first date
The big day is finally here. Your imagination has played through all possible versions of the meeting over and over again. And now it feels like the butterflies could break out in your stomach and your date could notice that too - what an embarrassing thought. But don't worry, after all, any date would be just boring without these feelings. Good preparation will make a lot of your nervousness go away. As in so many situations in life, it is not wise to leave everything to chance, and the advice we have for you is really simple and understandable by everyone.
Critical mistakes can happen in the last few hours before the date. So if you're just at home and are wondering how to get your anxiety under control, read on - we'll tell you what will help you now:
Step 1: be confident!
First start with yourself. Anyone who wants to combat nervousness must have a healthy sense of self-worth. The key keyword is self-love - because only those who like and accept themselves can do the same with others. So it has to be a self-confidence boost! It is in your own hand, because what YOU think of yourself, you unconsciously convey to the outside world. Your date will quickly notice whether you feel comfortable in your own skin. Posture, movements and your facial expressions tell your counterpart more about you than you think.
How can I use this knowledge?
1 - BeActive and in motion a few hours before the meeting - even if it's just a stroll through the park or down your street.
Exercise will get your endorphins flowing and you will automatically feel strong and energetic. This is the perfect prerequisite to feel good and to impress your date at the same time.
2 - Listen to your favorite playlist while you get ready.
Which songs always put you in a good mood? Just listen to this music, sing along and dance to it, and you will feel happy as a beautiful and highly useful side effect of your favorite music.
3 - Create a list of three great things about yourself.You can simply put these properties together in your head or write them on a piece of paper and use them during the date. What makes you special and unique? For example, do you have the talent to make people laugh? Excellent! You should definitely use such attributes for your own benefit. External properties also come into question. Whatever, whatever you like about yourself - keep reminding yourself of it during the date.
Your own attitude is one of the most important foundations for a good appearance. If you come on a date and feel insecure and worthless from the start, it will be very difficult to escape those feelings, and they will likely stay with you throughout the date. Think positively and allow these thoughts too: Look forward to a really good time with a really great date!
Step 2: the date look - dress up
Take the time to get ready and for the right styling. Your appearance is a fundamental part of preparing for a date (this goes for both men and women, of course). Don't know what to wear? Keep the following tip in mind: Think of a favorite photo of yourself. If someone asks you what your most beautiful picture of you is, which picture would you choose? Or ask friends which photo of you they are thinking of when they should choose a particularly beautiful one. Tada! Problem solved! What are you wearing in this photo? You already have an outfit that you feel comfortable in and that makes a good impression on outsiders. Make sure that things are clean and ironed in case your date is today ...
Speaking of which: In order to have enough time for this part of the preparations, you should not schedule your date between other appointments, because being under time pressure complicates things enormously.
In general, what you wear should match both the occasion and the location of your meeting. Don't dress too fancy or like you don't seem to care about how you look. So: Neither slippers in the fancy restaurant nor high heels on the hiking trail.
Check this checklist before you leave home:
- Breath Control - Have you brushed your teeth well AND flossed them?
- Deodorant and perfume - do you smell good, but won't your perfume cloud the whole room?
- Are clothes and shoes clean and neat?
- For men: did you shave or trim your beard? Fingernail check: are they clean and well-groomed?
- Women: Can you walk it in those shoes all the date? Is your makeup suitable for the occasion and is everything where it belongs?
Step 3: be a good listener
This is a very important point, both before and during the first date! Why? It's simple - you can find out more about your date if you listen carefully (!). Beware: listening is a lot harder than most of us think. Everyone would like to portray themselves as best they can. The misconception that you have to play the entertainer in order to appear interesting should be quickly thrown overboard.
You can learn to listen, it is a conversation technique like many others. Everything revolves around the psychology behind it. Follow these instructions to get the most out of your first conversation:
- Be an "active listener". How? Make eye contact while your date is talking and respond carefully to what the other person says. Laugh when he / she laughs, be concerned when it is the other: In short, reflect the other person's reactions and empathize with them.
- Listen right, and not just with one ear. If you want to become a better listener, you'll need to follow the twists and turns of the conversation, especially if your date is telling a slightly more complicated story and it's no longer just small talk. Tame your mind and keep your thoughts from wandering. But if you still can't keep up, don't be afraid to just ask. This shows your interest and shows that you take the person and their thoughts seriously.
- Think before you speak. A good listener takes their time before answering. Phrases like "give me a second to think about it" make the speaker feel that what they were saying is being reflected and that the listener wasn't just waiting for the story to end.
- Remember the topics you discussed online before the date. Do you already know something about the interests and hobbies of the other person? Then use this knowledge. Keeping these details in mind will show that you are making an effort and will help you escape awkward silence. Plus, you'll also feel more comfortable about yourself even if you've never seen the other person in real life.
- Pay attention to body language and tone changes. Monitoring these signals will help you interact and choose your responses.
- Last but not least: don't check your phone too often!It's rude and makes your date feel like you're bored and not interested in the conversation and the person. It's best to just put it away!
That might sound like cliché, but it's true:Be true to yourself - or in other words: don't pretend you're someone else. Your date is supposed to like you for who you really are, right? If you act like a completely different person just to impress him or her, there is no benefit to you. On the contrary! Playing for the other person all evening is super exhausting, and in the end you feel more bad and awkward than anything else. Just think about the future: where should this new "relationship" develop if everything goes well? Nobody wants a relationship that is based on a lie - and these very foundations are being laid now. Can you imagine how exhausting it must be to keep such a farce going forever? It is practically impossible.
Even if you think you are a good actor, you and the other person will quickly feel uncomfortable trying to be someone other than who you are. Even if the other person cannot immediately feel whether you are playing or faking something for him / her, the truth will come to light sooner or later - at the latest on the following dates.
Step 5: learn from the past
If you've had many other first dates, think about what went wrong on previous occasions. Use your old mistakes to your advantage and make a virtue out of necessity. Where were the sticking points, where was it your own fault that nothing came of it? Perhaps you were late, or did you address topics that should be avoided when you first get to know each other? Was your outfit completely wrong? If you can recognize your own mistakes and are willing to improve, you have already become a better version of yourself. It's up to you to do everything better this time.
10 questions to ask on your first date
Keeping a conversation going in a relaxed and lively manner is one of the great challenges of a first date. Few first dates go by without one of those dreaded moments filled with embarrassing silence. Most of the time, the conversation comes to a point where nobody knows what to say or ask anymore. Then many seek their salvation in phrases like "Do you have brothers or sisters?", "Where do you work?" or even “Nice weather, isn't it?” Please don't do that! The crux of such conversation fillers is that they don't help you in the least to get to know the person you're talking to and to find out whether you are a good match or not. And they're boring also ... Facts are one-dimensional and only help to a limited extent to find out who a person really is. FBI interrogation methods are also out of place, after all, a date is not a police questioning. Think about a few unusual and challenging questions in advance that are suitable to keep the conversation flowing
But be careful! Please remember to have answers to your own questions at hand, as your date will probably ask back from time to time. "And how is that with you?" No problem, you are the initiator and can lead the conversation in a certain direction. You also had plenty of time in advance to think about the best answers to your questions and thus impress your date even more.
You can't think of anything?Here are 10 perfect questionsto get a conversation going, avoid embarrassment and get to know your counterpart better:
- What's the craziest and most spontaneous thing you've ever done?
- If I gave you 500 euros now, what would you do with it spontaneously?
- If you got arrested, and I had to tell your friends, what would they think your crime was about?
- What's the best advice you've ever received from another person?
- How were you as a kid
- If you could trade your life with someone else for a day, who would it be?
- What does your ideal date look like?
- If you could get a certain skill or quality overnight, what would it be?
- If you could learn the truth about yourself, your life, your future or anything else from a crystal ball, what would you like to know first?
- Can you let me know as soon as you get home safely today?
Choose two or three of these questions in advance. For each one, the other person will have to think carefully and listen within themselves to find a good answer. You can touch their inner child (question 5) or learn something about their secret desires in life (question 6). Subtle triggers that are hidden in a question that seems banal at first glance can change the entire conversation and give you the opportunity to learn a lot about the person you're talking to.
Extra tip: Touch your counterpart. Of course, that doesn't mean you should grope her or him, and of course the touch shouldn't be sexual or embarrassing to the other. You may be shy at first, but the longer you avoid physical contact, the funnier the first contact will be. We can create a certain level of intimacy through physical contact. A hug at the beginning or a light touch on the shoulder should be enough to reduce the usual distance between two people who are just getting to know each other. And from the reaction of the other person you can very quickly see whether the touch is wanted or whether you should hold back a little. For this purpose, it is better not to sit directly across from each other, but rather to sit next to or close to each other.
Psychological tricks: use science for a successful date
All direct communication takes place both verbally and non-verbally. Knowing all these components, paying attention to them and using them in the right combination is crucial if you want to become a communication and flirting expert. We'll explain why these techniques are so important:
About 60% of all human communication is non-verbal. This means that our body sends signals through facial expressions, gestures and posture - regardless of whether you are aware of them or not. Another 30% of communication is paraverbal, which means that we perceive and interpret the speech and intonation of others. Put that together, 90% of what we communicate is non-verbal and not at all what we actually say. This fact can be very useful to us when we know how to properly use these non-verbal communication tools.
There are a few simple and psychologically proven tricks for doing this:
- Use a person's name frequently and from the beginning. On the one hand, this helps us to keep and internalize the name, but above all it makes us more popular with our counterparts, simply because everyone likes to hear their name more often.It makes us feel important.
- Pay attention to your date's eye color. It's nice to know, of course, but that's not the primary point here. If you look at the eyes of the other person and memorize them, you automatically make perfect eye contact and immediately appear more charming and interested. These two to 3 seconds, which you will automatically look longer, make the difference here.
- Nod your head. This simple trick is something like advanced psychology. If you want your counterpart to agree with you, nod your head every now and then during the conversation. There is a good chance that the other person will automatically do the same, and in doing so he will make his brain subconsciously agree with what has been said.
- Use the principle of the inverted triangle. With this triangle technique, you show the other that you are listening carefully. Look first at one eye, then at the other, and finally at the other person's mouth. This unconsciously shows him that you are really completely with him.
- Asking for small favors.Start with a small question, such as the time or handing you the salt. People tend to like someone better because of this trick. Why? The brain automatically draws the conclusion that if you do them a favor, you can really like someone.
Things to avoid on a first date
We all know that especially on a first date, we run the risk of being stupid, awkward, and / or embarrassing. Some of the most common mistakes happen almost automatically on first dates. So let's move on to the big don't-do rules, everything you should definitely avoid in order to have a successful date.
1. Don't be too excited
Easily said, but important. Don't talk breathlessly and without a period or comma, don't keep sliding from left to right on your chair and don't fidget with your legs. Take a deep breath and relax.
2. Never talk about your ex
Really now? What you do not say! Of course, it goes without saying, but some people are so excited about their ex-partners that they keep mentioning them. Let it be. Never talk about past relationships unless the person you're talking to asks you specifically about them. You are sitting here and now with someone you want to get to know better, the past does not matter at first.
3. Don't look at your phone
We mentioned that before. It's rude and gives the impression that you don't really care about the whole meeting.
4. Don't just talk about yourself
Nobody likes selfish people. Always try to maintain a balance between your and his / her contributions to the conversation. Ask the other question and be interested in what you hear.
5. Don't be too shy
This shot can backfire very quickly. Misunderstandings make the process of getting to know each other endless and prevent a healthy relationship from being built.
6. Don't give too many compliments
If you compliment your date too many times, you are simply overwhelming him or her. If you want to compliment, choose it wisely, it should be fair and honest.
7. Don't ask "What about us?"
Not. Not yet. It's only your FIRST date, so the answer comes naturally: At first you are just two people who are just getting to know each other and are interested in each other - everything else will develop later.
8. Be on time
Being late isn't sexy. You have both agreed on a specific time for your meeting, respect that and do not waste time.
9. Be respectful of the staff
The way you treat waiters, for example, says a lot about you. Be nice and show that you are a decent person.
10. Don't have excessively high expectations
Maybe your first date leads to a serious relationship, but maybe it doesn't; success is by no means guaranteed. Don't be sad if things don't go the way you hoped. Hold your head up and try again.
11. Don't interrupt the other
You already learned that from your parents! Show respect to your partner by listening until they finish speaking. As already mentioned above, it can also be useful to interrupt a conversation by asking questions of understanding if you are showing that you are actively listening.
12. Don't get drunk
This can really just destroy everything because it will make you lose control of your words and your body. A glass of alcohol can help make you less nervous, but please only drink in bulk!
How do I get a second date?
If the first meeting went well and your expectations were met or even exceeded, you obviously want to go a step further and get a second date, right? There is no way you want to miss the chance to see this amazing, stunning person again. You now have two options to arrange another meeting.
But only if it makes sense. If you think your first date was a failure, or if you doubt you might enjoy another meeting, better leave it. If you've followed the tips from this article, it wasn't your fault it didn't work, it's just a case of famous chemistry that wasn't right and that can't be forced.
You don't have to wait a certain amount of time to invite him or her to a second meeting, you can ask for it during the first date! But how can you turn the conversation so that you can ask for another meeting without appearing too demanding? The first rule: don't ask too soon! First, give yourself some time to talk and see if the chemistry between you is right. If your conversation topic allows it, you can throw in a suggestion in a very subtle way without asking for an immediate reaction. For example, if you're talking about Indian food, you can talk about your favorite restaurant and then casually mention that the two of you could go out together. And then you talk a few more seconds about the delicious curry you ate there last time. Then, when the end of the meeting draws nearer, try to come back to this topic, or another topic that you talked about, and attach a topical question to it. Here are some examples:
- That new movie from XY that we were talking about is still in theaters. Shall we go there next week?
- I'm going to XY's concert this weekend. I am sure you would like that too, would you like to come with me?
- By the way, I was serious about the curry earlier, I would really like to show you the restaurant!
If the current place you are on your date is not that great, this can also be a good hook to ask for a second date:
- Haha, I think we really don't have to eat here again, it wasn't that special now. I know another restaurant just around the corner from here. Maybe next time I can compensate you and show you the best place in town ?!
Your date is already over and you missed the chance to agree on a second meeting, just "See you soon?" And that's it?
No problem! But now you have to act quickly and there are several ways to do this. It takes a bit of empathy to decide which of the following ideas might be the best to serve the purpose. For example, if your date said that she / he was really tired, it doesn't make sense to start a WhatsApp text flood that same night.
The rule of thumb is to be honest, cheerful, polite, and direct.
- Immediately after the date: ask the other person if he / she got home safely. If the conversation then continues seamlessly, you are on the home stretch. Tell your date that you really enjoyed your time with him / her and that you would be very happy to do it again.
- The next morning: Ask him / her: “Have you slept well and rested? I really enjoyed the evening and would like to repeat that at some point. Should we try the XY we talked about yesterday? "
- Pick up the conversation where it left off on the date, even if a day or two has passed. For example, “I'm still laughing at the story you told me.” Just skip the small talk and remind the other person how much fun you had.
- Compliment his / her outfit or something else that you clearly remember. Then you can emphasize how much you enjoyed the time and suggest a new meeting.
With all of these examples, it is best if you immediately suggest a time and place. But don't be too pushy and don't ask for an appointment the next evening right away. It is better to let the time work a little for you - a few days' wait usually increases the desire to see each other again.
Last but not least, this is how you end a first date
We talked at the beginning about the importance of the first impression. However, this is not the only significant moment in getting to know each other for the first time. Psychologically, it is always the first and last thing that stays best in our minds. This is the so-called serial positioning effect, and you can use this effect to your advantage.
Your date will remember these two times of the evening best. Even if you had a brilliant conversation in the middle of it all, it won't do you much good if you screwed up the parting part. The messed up ending will be more memorable than the great conversation before it.
So here are some final tips for a perfect end to a first date:
- A little bitphysical affection in the end, both of you will be remembered, and it will also help show your interest in a second date. If you're not sure if your date wants to hug you too, just ask.
Something more romantic like a kiss shouldn't be discussed beforehand, it would destroy the magic of the moment. You will both know if the time is right for a kiss.
- If you are still not sure whether you would like to meet your date again,please stay polite and just say "thank you for the nice evening". It may be useful to wait a little longer and think twice before making a decision. If you find out later that there was a spark in the air, just write your date a message.
- For men: make sure that your date comes home safely.Call her a taxi or show her home or the parking garage. Make her feel safe and be a gentleman. And don't forget our "Have you arrived safely?" SMS.
- End the date with a nice joke. Ending a date with a happy laugh is best.
Now that you know all about how to be successful on a first date, nothing should go wrong. Keep our tips in mind and rock your date!
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