What made you cry as a kid

Kindergarten: child cries when saying goodbye - what to do?

The lower lip trembles, the little children's eyes fill with tears: “Please don't go away!” With this sentence, even die-hard parents can get weak. Saying goodbye to kindergarten or daycare is often not easy for both sides. But what can you do to ensure that it still works? We have put together parenting and expert tips for you.

At a glance

  • How long it takes to get used to it varies from child to child.
  • Small rituals and not saying goodbye for too long can make saying goodbye easier for the child.
  • If the parents seem relaxed and confident when they say goodbye, the child can also separate more easily.
  • If the farewell remains problematic, it is best for the parents to ask the teachers for an assessment.

Separation pain, insecurity, joyful excitement: a new environment can do one with your child Variety of emotions trigger pleasant and less pleasant. A look in our forums reveals: Parents quickly feel guilty when they leave their child crying in the day care center. Few of them advise tough walking. And especially when the crying continues over a longer period of time, some parents even quarrel with their decision to have their child registered in a daycare center at all.

Jan-Uwe Rogge is an expert in raising children. In the video (below) he explains that children who cry in this new situation two forms of tears There are tears that need to be differentiated: on the one hand, the farewell tears, with which your child justifiably wants to express their feelings and at the same time reduce stress hormones, and on the other hand, tears that are intended to attract attention and are used as leverage. As the mom or dad of a crying child, it is of course not always easy to analyze what kind of tears they might be and then react accordingly.

How do I react if my child cries when they say goodbye in kindergarten?

In one of our forums, Miriam (names of all users changed) writes how her three-year-old daughter no longer wanted to go to kindergarten overnight. When she separated from her mother, she wept bitterly. But as soon as Miriam was out of sight, the tears dried up as quickly as they came. It still broke Miriam's heart. Kathrin, another user and mother, understands - her two younger children are still crying when they say goodbye in the morning. With her older daughter, however, the acclimatization went well beforehand. It sat on then (and now again) clear rituals and a quick goodbye, and now advises Miriam to do the same.

According to experts, Kathrin is spot on with these tips. Because when it comes to tearful goodbyes in kindergarten, they recommend first of all, Establish rituals and the Keep the goodbye short by yourself. Reason for this: Once the child feels that mom or dad are struggling with the pain of parting, it leads to fundamental uncertainty: If mom or dad don't want to separate, then maybe I shouldn't either? Can I really trust the supervisors? Will my parents come back at all?

Therefore it is important positive and relaxed to work (even if it might tear your heart apart). Because that's the only way it will Relationship of trust with the educators strengthened. Parents who exude such trust in their educators transfer this positively to their children. And once a child notices that mom and dad are ready to be picked up at the kindergarten at the same time every day, trust continues to grow - until the joy of the new friends and the other toys give way to the pain of parting.

Apart from rituals, what can counteract separation anxiety?

User Lena is desperate. Her son clings, cries and screams when she is supposed to leave him in kindergarten. Now she is already thinking about deregistering him.

Not an easy situation. Nobody likes to see their child cry. But should she therefore deregister her son from kindergarten? Doesn't this just postpone the problem until the child has to go to school? Some users advise you to let yourself cry, others have experienced similar things and are looking for new ideas themselves.

Here you will find tips from users and experts who, in addition to establishing rituals, can help with tearful day-care farewells:

  • Stand behind your decision: You did research, put your child on waiting lists, looked at different kindergartens. Unfortunately, not everything is going smoothly during the acclimatization. No reason to doubt your decision right away. Do you remember why you registered your child at this daycare center? What convinced you The teachers? Equipment? The educational concept? Maybe you only had one option. Nevertheless: Why will your child be doing well in this kindergarten, and what positive things can they take away from there for their lives? Only if you are at peace with your decision can you honestly convey it to your child.
  • Don't sneak away: Tim is happily playing with a wooden puzzle. Mama is relieved and sneaks to the exit door. What at first may seem like an uncomplicated farewell can result in exactly the opposite. Because your child is losing confidence. Better: smile at him, maybe give him a brief press, say goodbye and say when you will be back. A few words of encouragement can also help. Then you can go without further ado. And even if you are a little sad or worried yourself, try not to let it show. So your child can stay with the teachers with a good feeling.
  • Give your child their favorite cuddly toy (if you don't anyway): Some children have a favorite cuddly toy or a small blanket that they use as a comforter, especially in new situations. Most daycare centers allow you to bring such cuddly toys. In any case, it is worth asking.
  • Avoid surprise visits: Spontaneous visits can sound tempting, but they also run the risk of messing up established routines. Better: stopping at events already planned by the daycare center or kindergarten, for example an afternoon handicrafts together or a bazaar. Especially when parents of other children are also there.
  • Read aloud children's books that deal with the topic: Cozy reading hours are fun and create a sense of security. And: Any problems can be addressed casually. You can prepare your child with a picture book about children who come to daycare and also give them the opportunity to talk about possible fears and insecurities.
  • Have someone else take your child to daycare: Perhaps Grandma or Grandma have time to take care of the transport for a few days? Or another person with whom the child is well acquainted? So the separation can be easier!

How long does my child need to adjust to the new situation?

It can take a while for a child to be fully integrated into their daycare center and to work without crying. How long it takes to get used to it varies from child to child. Because while some children feel comfortable in their new environment from day one, others need up to four weeks Time to get used to the changed care situation.

It can also happen that your child never had problems with unfamiliar surroundings, may already have been integrated into a kindergarten, maybe even liked going there - and suddenly they no longer want to leave the house for the daycare. Sometimes this is due to longer breaks in the care phase, due to closing times or a vacation. Regardless of the trigger: Such developments are a challenge for everyone involved. Good to know: According to experts, these phases are also a whole normal part of child development. And after all, this is not always straightforward.

Do all children stop crying after four weeks at the latest?

Unfortunately not. It is worth talking to the teachers here. You have experience with different children in such situations and often know what to do. If nothing helps, it is worth going to the educational counseling center. But don't worry: this is only necessary in exceptional cases!

In most cases, getting used to the day-care center goes without any major difficulties. After a while the tears dry up, the farewells become happier and the kindergarten becomes what it should be: a nice place for friendships and child development.