What are the main causes of breakups
Ranking: These are the 11 most common reasons for divorce
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It is likely that the divorce rate will decrease in the future. Even so, it's interesting to learn more about the factors that contribute to divorce - whether it's a lack of support from family and friends, or an affair.
We worked with the INSIDER data team to analyze the top causes of divorce based on a study by the National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI).
In the study, 52 people (31 women and 21 men) who took part in a “prevention and relationship improvement program”, or PREP for short, were interviewed. The program focused on teaching couples communication and conflict resolution skills.
The PREP course took place before the wedding. 14 years later, the researchers surveyed the couples who were divorcing again. The scientists gathered information about why the marriages failed, whether a combination of factors was the trigger or there was a certain drop that broke the barrel.
Here are their results, based on the answers given by the study participants:
11. Little or no premarital counseling and religious differences - 13.3 percent.
Although all of the respondents had taken the PREP training course, a significant number thought that the course was still not enough. "I would wish that we had had more premarital counseling and that someone had told us not to get married," said one participant.
Another explains that while the course was helpful with communication, it was not realistic for marriage development. "Pre-marriage counseling teaches you how to get along and that you should communicate, but it doesn't really talk about the stages a marriage goes through over time."
When it comes to religious differences, 69 percent of married people currently say that their spouse shares their religion, according to a survey by the Pew Center. The American news channel Fox News and the book "Til Faith Do Us Part: How Interfaith Marriage is Transforming America" state that couples in interfaith marriages are on average less happy than couples of the same faith.
9. Lack of family support - 17.3 percent.
The US online newspaper "Huffington Post" reports on a longitudinal study that examined 373 couples over a period of 26 years. The results show that having a man close to his wife's family reduces the risk of divorce by 20 percent.
However, a woman who has a close relationship with her husband's family increases the risk of divorce. According to the study's researchers, "women should keep their distance from their in-laws and husbands should remember to look after their in-laws."
8. Health problems - 18.2 percent.
According to Elizabeth Ochoa, marriage counselor and chief psychologist at Beth Israel Medical Center in New York City, illness can harm a marriage. “Illness creates debt and pain. This can mean that one partner is unable to do his or her part in the marriage, resulting in the other partner having to support him. Some couples can deal with it better than others, "she explains to the news portal" Health.com ".
7. Domestic violence - 23.5 percent.
Almost a quarter of NCBI respondents cited both physical and emotional abuse in their marriages as a major reason for their divorce. Many participants said that the violence had developed over time with increasingly violent forms of abuse. This was followed by strong repentance.
“There were times when I felt very physically threatened. There was a time when there was a little pushing around. I got an elbow to my nose…. We said we would work on it. But it happened again, ”describes one test person.
The United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNDOC) found that 50,000 women who were deliberately killed in 2017 were murdered by a partner or family member.
6. Substance abuse - 34.6 percent.
At least one partner in 50 percent of the former couples and 34.6 percent of the total respondents name substance abuse as a problem: but only in a third of the cases do both partners agree that substance abuse is to blame for their divorce. “He never admitted that he even drank. It wasn't me against him. It was me against him and the disease, ”explains one participant.
Of those who said there was one definitive drop in their marriage that broke the barrel, 12.1 percent said substance abuse was the cause.
5. Financial problems - 36.1 percent.
Some study participants said that while financial problems were a major contributor to the divorce, it was not "the most relevant reason." The money problems "add to the stress and tension in the relationship".
According to Forbes magazine, having conflicting “financial styles” can be detrimental for couples. When one is a donor and another is a saver, tension can arise as the couple tries to decide what to spend their salaries on. It is important to find a way to use the different habits and to complement each other. For example, the saver can be responsible for retirement provision, while the donor is responsible for short-term expenses.
4. Married too young - 45.1 percent.
In the study, those who cited age as a problem averaged 23.3 years old at the time of marriage. According to the Pew Research Center, the age at marriage has changed dramatically in the past 50 years. In 1960, 59 percent of 18 to 29 year olds were married. Fifty years later, in 2010, that number dropped to 20 percent. In 2011, the average age for a first marriage was 28.7 years for men and 26.5 years for women. Fifty years ago they were both in their early twenties.
3. Too many conflicts and quarrels - 57.7 percent.
The survey participants showed that their conflicts were generally not resolved in a calm and solution-oriented manner - and that they only got worse over time. They report that "communication problems increased in frequency and intensity throughout the marriage, sometimes resulting in a loss of positive feelings about one another and decreased mutual support".
One participant sums it up with the words "I was frustrated with so much arguments".
2. Infidelity or affairs - 59.6 percent.
According to the study, infidelity was "often cited as a critical turning point in a deteriorating relationship." In fact, according to the participants, it was most often the drop that broke the barrel.
Some common reasons for cheating, as INSIDER reports, include feeling neglected, insecure, or afraid of being abandoned.
1. Lack of commitment - 75 percent.
While some would argue that marriage is the ultimate promise, 75 percent of respondents said lack of commitment played a role in the end of their marriage.
“I realized it was the lack of commitment on my part because I wasn't really romantic about him. It still felt more like friendship, ”explained one participant.
This text was translated from English by Franziska Heck
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