What defines a relationship

Relationship 2.0 Why no one has to define their relationship today

When are you actually together? After the third date? After the first sex? Or maybe in the end it doesn't matter at all whether the relationship is defined and what the relationship status is? Trying to answer.

Clara and Thomas know each other through Tinder. They have been meeting regularly for almost two months. Make phone calls and have sex every day. And now Clara asks me: “What do you mean, can I ask him if we’re going on vacation together? I don’t even know if we’re really together? ”»

Crucial question: When are you together?

Who is like Clara? Hand on your heart: Who has been worried about the famous relationship status? Anyway, I felt a hundred times. It's always the same. You get to know someone, you are on cloud nine, the contact becomes more intense, everything is beautiful. And then there comes the point where it gets kind of weird.

Relationship status conversation: The fear of the answer

Clara is at this point too. She wants clarity. She wants to know if she is with Thomas now. Or not. She wants a conversation about her relationship status, but doesn't dare to bring it up.

What is she afraid of? Quite simply: before a rebuff. Or even worse: Before an undefined statement. Sentences like “I can't commit myself at the moment” or “Let's take it easy and let the whole thing go” drive them crazy. "If someone really loves me, they can also define a relationship status," says Clara. But is she right about that?

Does love need an answer?

Is love really something you choose? Or rather something that grows? Does love need a fixed date? Or just time? And what use are such theoretical questions to us when we are close to a nervous breakdown in practice? It may be that we take it easy in theory; what speaks against an undefined relationship status?

But time should show in which direction Clara's supposed Romeo is going. Maybe she'll find Romeo aka. Thomas won't be as great in a few weeks as in the first pink-red phase. But that's a dream of the future and doesn't change the fact that Clara can hardly sleep. Clara wants an answer. From me. I'm neither Thomas nor an expert. But maybe that's the good thing. I am an outsider. And if you are not affected yourself, you can finally talk smart.

Undefined relationship: why not?

And so I say: an undefined relationship is perfectly fine. Even more. It is even a sign of respect and appreciation. Because if you take the time to define your relationship status, you will at least not make half-baked promises that he or she may not mean seriously. An undefined relationship is neither good nor bad. It means neither an acceptance nor a rejection. It just means that something is in motion. Something arises between the participants - in whatever form and direction.

Define Relationship: When emotions demand clarity

But this truth alone is not enough. Because there is also another way of looking at things. Namely, that an undefined relationship is not okay for everyone. Objectively, so much liberalism in love matters may not be a problem. Subjectively, however, hearts speak their own language. And that's why I say something to Clara. Namely, that it is also ok if she has an urgent desire for a firmly defined relationship status.

In the end, it's not about truths, wisdom or any rules, but about feelings. And they have to be good so that love can grow. So if Clara doesn't feel good with the undefined relationship construct, then it's not good either. What can be done about it? Courage! And speaking! In the end, I unfortunately don't have a clear answer for my girlfriend. Just a piece of advice: listen to your feelings. And speak it out. Because feelings are always the truth!

Cover picture: Unsplash

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