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Experts explain how long you should wait after a breakup before re-dating

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The question of how long to wait after a breakup to start dating again is difficult to answer.

That's mainly because it isn't the The best way to get your life back in order after a partnership. Dating and getting over it after breakups are highly subjective, personal things. So there is no rule of thumb to determine when exactly it is appropriate to return to the dating market.

However, there are a few rules for finding out what is best for you. Susan Winter, a New York relationship expert, and psychologist Paulette Sherman talk to Business Insider about how to find out when to start dating after a breakup.

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According to Winter, it doesn't matter when you are ready for dating again. Instead, it is best to try to give yourself as long as you need to deal with remaining feelings (positive and negative) about your ex.

"If you're still hurt, obsessed with your ex, or suffering from emotional whiplash, you're not ready to meet someone new," Winter told Business Insider. "Dating after the breakup will only be good if you have accepted the fact that your ex-partner is not a thing of the past for no reason."

It is also important to go inside and consider whether you are ready to open up to someone again after a breakup. "You have high self-esteem, an open heart, and you feel ready to be vulnerable with someone who is new," said Sherman. You don't have to completely forget your ex to achieve this vulnerability. But according to Sherman, a person who is ready for dating can think critically about the relationship that has ended. "

“They have learned lessons from their previous relationship and see it as a step towards smarter dating behavior; they have more clarity about what will work for them in a relationship in the future, ”said Sherman.

You can tell that you've started moving on when you're actually looking forward to dating

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"If you can get excited about new options and getting to know new people, you're ready," said Winter. That said, there is a difference between really looking forward to meeting new people and just needing to go out with someone because they are distracting you from your ex.

"If the heartache makes you feel reactive, anxious, hurt, or moody, you are not ready to let anyone new into your life," said Winter. While it's been a while since the breakup, there may be some signs that you are not ready to date.

"It's probably a red flag if you're constantly following your ex on social media, still keeping photos and items that belong to the ex and still calling or in contact with them," said Sherman. "You're probably not ready for dating either if you're trying to make your past partners jealous."

How long it can take to overcome the ex-situation depends on many factors - including how long and serious the relationship was, how the breakup went, and how you dealt with things

"Most people probably wait at least a month after they've had a relationship that has lasted several months," said Sherman. "If the relationship was more meaningful, it could be longer - about three months or even longer - before meeting new people again."

Of course, that doesn't mean that you have to stick to a specific schedule after a breakup. As long as you give yourself enough time to assess your emotions effectively, to make sure that you are not harming other people during your difficult phase, everything should be fine.

“Every separation is different,” said Winter. “Some breakups can leave you devastated. Others can be processed within a few days or weeks. Working through your past is the best path to a successful and happy romantic future. "

This article has been translated from English.